Allowing old structures to fall
and the power of stillness
When we ask, the universe will provide the answers. We are never alone. Spirit is always watching over us, nudging gently, giving clues and signs. Opening up to listening and hearing, seeing, and feeling means we get to catch a glimpse of a divine light that weaves all existence together.
This is the story of a journey unfolding, one unfiltered, wanting to be told many times and finally finding it's way to this blog post. Years ago I wanted to share the way that the spirit of the land speaks to me, so, you too, can open up, awaken this part of yourself that perhaps is already noticing, but needs a little nudge.
Today, I am ready to speak, but before we venture into the journey through the land, let me give you the background story of my life's events, purely for context understanding. As everything, it weaves into the story itself perfectly.
After a period of exhaustion from my travels across the sea and the sickness that followed, my body has experienced a new way of being. I was suddenly faced with a realization, that my internal chemistry is not necessarily driven by conditioned mind or patterns or generational trauma I was so desperate to heal, but by simple acts of taking foods that cause allergic like reaction. Experimenting, I discovered a diet that all of the sudden brought me into such deep levels of peace and self contentment like no spiritual practice could. Shocked and in disbelief I watched how eating a banana drew my mind into a full blown psychosis.
Oddly enough, this realization came thanks to what started as spiritual practice of fasting. During fasts I discovered with surprise that some of the persistent conditions I was hoping to cure have started to disappear. It is also thanks to fasting that I discovered what happened when I did eat/ versus fast and what kinds of foods were causing me the biggest issues. This started a long period of recovery and very careful diet combined with intermitten fasting. I started to feel like never before, calm, peaceful and just ok to be who I am. There was no more sense of wanting to prove something to anyone, including myself. No expectations, no triggers and violent emotions. What a bliss!
Occasional small flare up would be enough to bring me into the old scenarios of doubt. One of the morning, following a night of doubt and what I call a very sour internal chemistry, I decided to venture out into a sacred nature reservoir that has been my companion for decades. I left the house triggered, distressed and angry.
The moment I entered the woods I said: spirit, please show me peace. I seek deep inner peace and nothing else here. Within first steps I was shocked to see a recently built bridge being torn up by a fallen tree. A scene of violence, yet surrounded by absolute peace. This was my initiation to understanding. Instantly, I heard spirit talk to me with this scene:
Old structures must fall. Falls can be brutal. Falls can be destructive. Falls can be painful.
Life goes on. In order for the new life to form, old structures must fall.
Walking around this scene, I saw pieces of wood and bark scattered. Around it, a red fruit of a fall bush, dragonflies flying and gentle creek humming. Everything is perfect, as it is.
I passed the bridge. Invited to walk around the lake I observed the utmost stillness of the water and silence of the neighbouring, crowning spruce.
Moving on. I came here to practice my Tai Chi Sword form so I was looking for a spot. Lake didn't seem it. Perhaps I should go to the meadow? Entering the woods, I entered a path so familiar, one that I walked countless times. It remembered stomping of the little feet of my sons, who are now grown men, entering adulthood. Woods invited me in. Suddenly, in the middle of the path, there was a tree that broke in half and landed directly on the path. An old trunk was covered in a stunning colony of turkey mushrooms. A cosmic wink from the spirit, as one of my adventures here was directly leading me into the hidden gem of those mushrooms. This time, I had no interest in healing properties of mushroom, newly aware how sick the mushrooms make my body feel. Thank you, spirit, for always guiding me towards what I ask for.
As I was approaching the meadow, the clear entrance was interrupted by yet another fallen tree, this time a couple of pines from the left had laid directly on the entrance to the meadow. How profound. Three times my path was blocked. There is never an accident when the world speaks in threes. I stood there, absorbing their lesson, letting it seep into the core of my being. Looking at my specific situation, it was so crystal clear. Let go of old ways, watch them fall without emotional response, calmly, firmly knowing that all is well within the plan.
I stepped into the meadow and was instantly greeted by the choir of buzzing insects. Butterflies dancing in the sky, landing on the flowers to rest. Dragonflies of all sorts and bees, hundreds of them. I stood there, in awe, taking it all in, feeling my heartbeat slowing down, my senses sharpen. When I was ready to walk, I watched the moving grasses in my peripheral vision. Suddenly, I noticed an insect fly towards nearby grasses and looked closer to see, what kind of a butterfly is it?
What a surprise was it when I felt the burning gaze of a praying mantis and noticed it instantly, hanging upside down on the grass, looking directly at me, as if to invite me to play.
What an encounter! I have only seen the mantis once and I was taken to that moment right away. It was beautiful, fall walk with my sons and my older son noticed the mantis back then. He honoured her by taking stunning photographs of her, which we really cherished.
Why now? The mantis look at me, upside down, as to say: you know exactly why.
Oh, I knew. Resentment and expectations washed away as I realized the path to peace: "bless them, bless them on their path and respect everyone in where they are."
How absolutely synchronistic! In oracle deck of Animal Medicine, when the card shows up upside down it is a special warning of sort, a sign that we have been ignorant and not aligned. Here, in real life, this mantis landed upside down and is looking at me, as if with a cheeky smile. "You know what to do".
I took a photo of her and sent it to my son. We needed this at that moment, to connect over the mantis and he will know exactly what is happening. I thanked the mantis after listening to her lesson and ventured further up, to reach the hill because the meadow path was too narrow for my sword form. The mantis, however, was not ready to part ways! It flew in between my legs so I wouldn't ignore it or miss it and landed, this time, right side up, again, so close to me, inviting me to keep talking to it. It was surreal and my logical mind was telling me how ridiculous it may seem to someone, but at the same time it WAS real. The mantis really chose me, not once, but twice and now it showed me exactly how to recognize it amongst the flying insects, so I can always spot it. The love and gratitude filled my heart as I peered into her all seeing eyes, and after a longer moment I asked her, is this it? She quietly turned away from me and hid behind the grass. I knew the transmission was over, so I thanked her and walked away.
The mantis did follow me to the top of the hill, this time not close to me, not asking for stopping, but just in a way so that I knew she was accompanying me. I invited her to watch my sword form and when I reached the hill, I saw a perfect arena, just enough space to perform my practice. The view was breathtaking. No people in sight but I knew I am not alone.
As I saluted, I sent thank you to the spirits of this land for hosting me and welcoming me for all those years. What an honour to be able to give my cultivation and my form to this land.
After the practice, I sat down and looked at the rolling hills. I reflected on my journey, how far I have come. As I am venturing into the next chapter of my life, the mantis initiated me to literally call me out, assist me and follow me to witness the sword performance. Nothing is random in the Universe and the energy of me signing up for a new style of Tai Chi, ancient Chen Style, is exactly aligned with the medicine of the mantis.
As I was coming back alongside the larch forest, I looked at the memorial stone of a person, who envisioned this land as a sanctuary. He purchased it, stewarded it and planted thousands of trees here, preserving it in its purity. I once again, thanked him and his family, knowing that I had an honour of meeting his granddaughter and thanking her in person just this spring. This land has saved me countless times. I couldn't help but notice Fred's birthday year: 1926. It is the same year that my grandparents were born, people who raised me, installed the love of nature in me and nurtured my unique gifts. Earth, thank you for this special batch of people, extraordinary beings were born that year. How auspicious, that he created this space, so I, like an adapted granddaughter, can enjoy it in my life span.
Coming back home I checked my medicine cards, but was sad to realize there is no Praying Mantis amongst the Animal Spirit Cards. Luckily, they gave extra empty cards so I could draw my own. Next day, I wrote the missing entry piece about the medicine of the Mantis. I felt her with me through the entire process. You can see it here, on my website, free of charge.
I hope you enjoyed this story, but more so I do hope that reading this will empower you to tune up the volume of the transmissions and events you have been receiving in your own life as well. It is possible to really allow them to come and become an integral part of your life experience. Why do it?
It adds a layer of depth, that many souls crave and a beautiful sense of conversation with the Spirit. Let me know your experiences and thoughts, via comments here or message me. I'd love to hear from you,
With love,
Izabela
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